I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
This show inspires me to have sex in space
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
