i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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