I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
