Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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