she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
