You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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