It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wish you could order shots online.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
