some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
