Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
