I looked at my own cervix.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
