I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
