He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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