definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
