What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
