Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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