smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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