Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
