hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
