Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize