I feel like abortions should bother me more
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she smelled like a LAN party
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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