If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
