I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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