zippers are such a cool invention
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
