Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
