i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
