i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
