I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
