You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
