so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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