I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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