True but thats because hes a fetus.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
