Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
