nut hugger
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Are these your boobs on my camera?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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