i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
