We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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