Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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