I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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