I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
