i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
