We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
