no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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