careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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