Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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