The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
