what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
its not stalking. its research.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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