Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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