is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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