All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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