I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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