Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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