Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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