I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
