I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
