But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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