If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
