Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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