Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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