What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
did i just pee glitter
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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