I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
