Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
