It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
