Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
