I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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