wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
