Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
