just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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