so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize