why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
