if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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