Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
