You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
