I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
